


Of Butterflies and Blinded Eyes

by Pegasus143



Series: Banned Together Bingo 2020 [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Catholic Character, Character Study, Gay Character, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Gun Violence, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Racism, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Inaccurate Catholicism, Nonbinary Character, Pacifist Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Parent Death, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Canon, Violent Markus (Detroit: Become Human)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:47:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24391546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pegasus143/pseuds/Pegasus143
Summary: 20 years after the android revolution, Damian has to deal with the choice Markus made about Chris.
Relationships: Chris Miller & Damian Miller, Damian Miller & Markus, Damian Miller & Oliver
Series: Banned Together Bingo 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761265
Kudos: 5
Collections: Banned Together Bingo 2020





	1. Markus' Choice: Revenge

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Banned Together Bingo 2020](https://bannedtogetherbingo2020.tumblr.com/).
> 
> The term "ren" as used here is a term for a non-binary parent, and is equivalent to "mom" or "dad".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bingo Square: Dead Cop

Damian pressed their hand against the smooth, black stone. As they traced the painted-white indentations of their dad’s name, they struggled to control their breathing. They leaned their forehead against the wall, glad that it was November and not the burning heat of August. Blinking back tears, they focused on keeping their breathing steady. Even though they’d come early, there were still a few people at the memorial, and they really didn’t want anyone to see a panic attack.

Two hands rested on their back, the touches faint through their thick green coat. Even though the three had known each other for a couple years now, Damian was still surprised by the amount of care Oliver and Lilah gave them. They’d started out college as complete strangers, but now they almost thought of them as siblings.

Almost.

There was still a twinge of longing when Lilah talked about growing up with her sisters, or when they’d see a pair of twins walking down the street. They’d asked their ren about what they and Dad would’ve done, once. Hearing the names for the kids who were supposed to be their siblings had made them cry, had made the loss even more real. They _wanted_ to go home on Thanksgiving and be bugged by a million siblings, wanted a million overlapping conversations, wanted to set an example that they could all follow.

 _“Why do you cry for no reason sometimes?” “Why do I have to go to the cemetery to see Dad?” “Why do people act weird around me on Father’s Day?” “Why don’t you like that there’s android kids at school?” “Did Dad like music as much as you do?” “Why are you scared of guns?” “Why are you scared of the phone ringing?” “Why do some people say I’m only non-binary because Dad isn’t here?”_ Those were just a few of the million questions that broke apart their relationship with their ren. It wasn’t either of their faults, just the timing of when everything had happened that did it.

Sometimes people didn’t get it, how you could miss someone you didn’t remember, who you’d barely even met before they were gone. To everyone else, their dad was just another name in the list of police officers who’d been killed during the revolution, a reason why they had to keep their kids quiet for a moment before the celebrations begun. But nothing – _nothing_ – about their feelings could be contained in a slab of stone, or a moment of silence, or a billion stupid pictures.

If there was a world where Chris Miller hadn’t died, where him and Devyn Miller had five children, where the android revolution had been won without paying the price in human blood, Damian wouldn’t know how to live in it. That was the worst part about it, that even if they could change the past, they still wouldn’t know how to live in a world without all of this. They didn’t even know how to settle Lilah and Oliver’s squabbles, much less an actual struggle for rights.

Sometimes, late at night after the three of them had been drinking, Oliver would say that he just wanted to know what his parents thought of him. Damian had all the answers they needed. Lilah would say that she wanted revenge for her father’s death without sacrificing her sister’s happiness. Damian could take revenge if they wanted. But what would it be for?

Markus had killed their father and another officer as punishment for killing androids, yet he was also celebrated as a hero. If Damian even so much as held a gun visibly near him, they’d be dead. That was the fucking tragedy of it all, wasn’t it?! That even a martyr’s, a hero’s remembrance – the one thing Oliver’s and Lilah’s fathers didn’t have – wasn’t enough for Damian, yet there was nothing more they could get.


	2. Markus' Choice: Don't Decide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bingo Square: Inaccurate Jesus  
> The Bible verse that's referenced in this chapter is Matthew 4:8-9

Damian went through their things, packing the last few items they needed before heading to the city limits. It would be a simple surveillance mission – something the Detroit Liberation Organization thought was appropriate to trust members who had just completed their two years of training with. They’d be partnered with Oliver, who was like a brother to them. Damian’s ren had been one of the founding members of the DLO, advocating for pacifism in the organization’s approach, while also understanding that more drastic measures might eventually need to be taken. They’d taken on multiple missions themself, sending Damian to stay with Oliver and his grandparents when they were young. Damian remembered them as nice enough people, though a little strict on prayers and Sunday mass, but only really stayed in contact with them through Oliver.

“Are you ready?” Oliver asked, appearing at the doorway to Damian’s room.

“Yeah,” Damian said. Adding the last couple items to their bag – enough estrogen tablets to last the duration of the mission and a photo of their father – they slung it over their shoulder and followed Oliver out of the building.

Damian could just barely make out the Detroit skyline in the distance. It reminded them of a particular Bible verse– “Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor; and he said to him, ‘All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.’”

If Detroit was a kingdom of splendor, and Damian was Jesus, they would’ve said yes a thousand times, the devil be damned. And wouldn’t Jesus understand that? After all, he had a relationship with his father that was vastly different than other kids’. His mother and her husband had been forced to leave their home just before he was born. He’d surely know what it was like to miss someone you couldn’t fully know, to want to claim the place that was supposed to be your home as his own. Even if it wasn’t written down anywhere… well, there were a lot of things about Jesus that had gotten lost, been forgotten about, or been purposefully omitted. That _could_ be one of them.

“You’ve got everything?” Damian asked.

Oliver nodded. “Meds, pictures, a couple of permitted stim tools…” He continued talking for a while, eventually reaching the end of his list. “I didn’t forget anything, did I?”

“I think you forgot about Jesus.”

Oliver looked at them, confused, until they realized. “Of course! My Bible!”

Damian laughed as they turned back into the building. “This is why we decided to meet up _early_ before the mission.”

Oliver stuck his tongue out. “Not my problem that our internal clocks run differently.” He unlocked the door and entered the room, grabbing his Bible off the nightstand. A rainbow-striped bookmark fell out, which he quickly picked up and attempted to slot back in.

While Oliver had always respected Damian and their family, they hadn’t expected _that_.

Oliver averted his gaze, fidgeting with his crucifix necklace. “Please don’t tell my grandparents.”

Damian nodded. “Do you want to talk? We still have time before we need to be at the mission briefing.”

“Yeah… I’m gay. You’re the first person I’ve come out to. Ever. Well, besides in prayer, but…”

“You don’t know if you’d be accepted?”

“I’ve heard arguments going both ways, but I don’t know. You can’t exactly call up God, or Jesus, or any saint and ask them. I’d like to think Jesus would love me, would love my husband one day, but I don’t know. If I do come out… I’d lose my church. I don’t know what my grandparents would think, and I don’t really want to lose them. I know the DLO has a lot of out members, and I’ve got you, but… nothing’s ever easy.”

Damian pulled Oliver into a hug, thinking of the photo of their dad in their bag. _Nothing’s ever easy. We might not even see the city become ours in our lifetime… Markus could forever remain undefeated. And what then? Does that just mean that life is a series of trials?_


	3. Markus' Choice: Spare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bingo Square: Pacifism

It was early, by most people’s standards – six in the morning – but it was one of the few times Damian could get some peace in a busy household. They loved their younger siblings, loved all the memories they had together, but sometimes Damian just felt drained, even though they’d only been home for one evening in their weekend visit.

“Can I join you?” Chris asked as they slipped on their coat.

Damian shrugged. “Sure.”

The cold November air stung as the two of them stepped outside.

“How’s college so far this year?”

Damian shrugged. “Good.”

“Just good? You usually have a lot more to say than that.”

“Not ‘just’ good… I’m still waking up. Ask me in a few more blocks.”

Chris chuckled, but otherwise the two continued walking without any words between them.

“Oliver and Lilah are good,” Damian said, picking the conversation back up. “It’s a lot quieter in our apartment than it is at home.”

“Even when you’re having parties?”

“Dad!”

“Well, I know you probably wouldn’t be doing that… as long as you’re being safe with whatever you are doing.”

“We drink sometimes, since Lilah’s old enough to get it legally, but we have rules about how often. And we _try_ not to drink too much at a time… once we’re out, we’re out.”

“What about your classes? And please save the music jargon for your ren.”

Damian laughed. “They’re good… we’re studying _The Sound of Thunder_ in one of my classes. I think it’s becoming my favorite thing I’ve ever had to read in school.”

“That’s the one about the butterfly effect, right?”

“Yeah. You’ve read it?”

“I think once, in high school. The butterfly effect is just something I’ve been thinking about…” he trailed off, like he did sometimes when talking about that night. Damian waited for him to ground himself and continue talking. “If Markus hadn’t made the choice he did… I can’t imagine what would happen to you. Do you know what Markus said, when he spared my partner and I?”

Damian shook their head.

“’An eye for an eye and the world goes blind.’ It’s originally a quote from Gandhi, who—“

“Yes, Dad, I’ve been to school. I’m twenty years old.”

“That’s right. I forget, sometimes.” Chris paused again. “Markus – he’s a true pacifist. He never killed a human, no matter what they did against androids, no matter how much control they had in what they did. He could’ve easily killed me for following orders fueled by fear. But not everyone – human _or_ android – thinks the same way. That was his choice, and not anyone else’s.”

“Are you saying that… that _I_ might’ve wanted to hurt people, to kill, if he’d killed you?”

“That’s what I’ve been thinking about. As much praise as people like to give the butterfly effect… I think there’s some things that it can’t change; that there’s more structure to the universe than people think. Or, at least, I’d like to think so. It helps ground me. Damian -- you’re kind, and empathetic, and would never want violence. I don’t think anything could change that.”

Somehow, those words felt like high praise. “Thanks, Dad,” Damian said.

Chris squeezed Damian’s shoulder. “No matter what happens… even if it turns out that I’m completely wrong, that Markus was wrong… I’ll always be proud of you.”


End file.
